had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
