I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
