Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
