When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize