# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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