Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
