you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
