The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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