God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
