Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
