apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
