he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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