I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize