Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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