you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
