I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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