Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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