Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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