Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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