I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
...so i touched it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
