i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
