Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
