I'm sorry my penis didn't work
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
