When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
