Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
