I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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