I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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