I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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