I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
