I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize