I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
