he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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