the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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