well most of my day revolves around power hour
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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