I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
