1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wish I could teleport
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
