not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
