Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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