we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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