I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
