Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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