Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
