Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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