You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
