Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
