youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize