Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
