dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i was born a porn star she said
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
