The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
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