so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
