he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
