I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
