i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Randomize
