I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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