i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
