I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
