So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize