Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
