dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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